If you don't laugh at yourself, life is going to seem a lot longer than you want it to.
by Chris · Published · Updated
Erin’s Column posted today.
Some of us were quoted.
I’m now expecting a backlash. You know. The kind where people google for what I said, find where I live, and send Trained Ninja Asassin Monkeys after me.
I don’t know about ya’ll, but I’m getting my paintball gun & ammo, buying an asbestos suit, and heading for my new bunker in the hills.
Just know it was me, if you hear on the news “Man killed by pack of monkeys”.
Chris
Little bit Computer Junkie, Little bit pinball Junkie. Pretty much all around Geek.
by Chris · Published December 19, 2005 · Last modified December 18, 2005
by Chris · Published June 17, 2005
by Chris · Published November 19, 2007
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Won’t happen. I trained all the ninja monkeys myself, and I have them swinging in the banana trees in my backyard. If we hear on the news that a crazy paintgun wielding man wearing an asbestos suit was killed by, say, a rabid pack of young marrieds who stoned him with nut cups and pillow mints, then we’ll know it’s you.
Note to self: Must stop making nasty references to my s.i.l.’s because they might just read my blog and then follow links to other people’s blogs.
but hey, I’ve never been quoted before, so that’s cool.
You are the first person outside of my friend Eric who has ever used ninja monkeys! He’s obsessed with them. And always threatening to get us with them. 🙂
Juli: Being stoned to death with pillow mints is perhaps my most biggest nightmare. Right behind being on American Idol and singing, or swimming in a pool of lemon juice right after getting a thousand and one paper cuts.
Then rolling in the bank of salt that is right next to the pool.
Hass: No worries. It takes a certian special person to read this blog anyways.
stacer: Ninja Monkeys are Real. They are real and very dangerous.
Never seen one? You never will. Why? Because they are Ninjas, and they take their job seriously.
We should make you wait 2 weeks to read all of the things people have specifically said in response to the responses made on this blog. But where would the fun in that be? So here’s a few snippets of the things the generally pious public of the LDS church have said about you-
–The attitudes are bordering on caustic, and they made me squirm.
— I also really had a hard time reading the comments from Chris. We say that a reception should be to celebrate the couple, but there is nothing that says that such a celebration need be expensive. That’s fine that someone’s parents had the money to fund an extravagent affair when his brother married, but most LDS families don’t have such money, nor do most want to spend such money on pomp and circumstance. Once again, consider counsel that has been given, and you will see that simple is simply better.
Besides, the emphasis should not be on the reception, but on the wedding. After all, if you put too much emphasis on the reception and you might forget what the wedding was really about anyway. We are talking about a sacred ordinance, which does not need limos or catered dinners or any other trappings to be celebrated. Our culture should not be about seeing who can throw the biggest party. The last thing we need is for receptions to become like high school dances have become — a “bigger and better” contest.
— p.s. You might want to suggest to Chris that he be a bit more open to those who want to help him find a companion (even if it IS at a reception!)– his attitude might be hindering his opportunities. I know many, many people who met on blind dates (I was one of them)! Even those at receptions are well-meaning and do want to be able to celebrate with him, too! 🙂
— must be in the minority, I fine the Mormon wedding receptions refreshing……yes I said refreshing. I grew up non Mormon and all my friends are non Mormon, and my family and friends receptions are like this, get a limo, have a DJ, open bar (do anyone know what that is!) lots of food, and lots of gifts. I watch my friends and family get drunk, and dance in a hall filled of cigarette smoke. Or I go to a Mormon reception and they have a DJ, and lots of food and lots of gifts and no cigarette smoke……hmmmm which one would you like to attend?
I too at one time also worried about being single in a church that puts so much emphasis on being married till I hit turned 36, and stopped worrying, and stopped looking at every single guy who moved into my ward as a possible date…..and just relaxed. I am now 39 and still single but figure if I get married, I get married but if not than not, and I have more fun this way. I am not treated any different in my branch, I hold 5 callings (the norm in a small branch). I go just do what is needed and when out have fun with whom I am ever with. My biological alarm clock is silent.
I am also baffled by the young age of LDS people getting married when they have known each other for such a short time. But than again I have been dating the same man for almost 3 years. And it looks like that’s still all it is…..dating. I tried the list but out here where there are not so many LDS single men in my age range it is hard to have a list for they are so far and few of them….Ha!ha! it don’t work. Also maybe if you didn’t have so many on a list and focused on the one he might also focus more on you too, have you ever tried that?
–Today, I am spitting nails as I read the last part of your column. I had to walk away from my computer for a few hours to cool down. Usually I enjoy the fun things you mention about dating in your column, but not today. Yes, you could say I am too old for your column, as I am almost 50. And I am not single. I have been married almost 30 years. Married at … wow can you believe how naive she is … 18. I have 5 daughters.
and for my absolute most favorite one- (can’t post this on my blog, but i can hide it over here in your comments section, right? hopefully my mother isn’t as adventurous as miss hass’ in-laws.)
Erin
I am shocked at your column. Why don’t you just wear a dead skunk around your neck. If I were a guy I would be scared to death to date you. Who wants to read and have his friends read what you think about him in a public forum. The article was amusing but painful at the sametime.
Love Mom
And people wonder why sometimes we slightly overreact when we find anonymous commentary out there about us? Yeah, I should jsut be totally oblivious and jaded by now. But where would the fun in that be?
I case anyone was wondering, we plan to run with the dead skink thing for the next column. Anyone have ideas on what else might scare men away, other than skunks and having your own column on dating?
EA: Wow. Did you edit out the angry ones? 🙂 Is this just an average return of mail?
Juli: I don’t know if anyone reads the comments as much as the first page. Would you like me to make this it’s own post? 🙂
EA, when you said on your blog you’d been getting angry mail, I thought I’d see more than this. Did the woman who had to step away from the computer say *why* she was angry? I can’t fathom why from her email. Because she got married at 18? Well, goody for her, but the fact is, she probably has no idea what it’s like to be 30-ish and single in this church, then.
I also find it hilarious that a perfect stranger is telling Chris he can find the love of his life at a wedding reception. Stranger things have happened, of course.
I’m confused by the woman who has been dating a guy for 3 years but says she has relaxed about being single in a family-oriented church. It almost sounds as if she’s saying she relaxed as soon as she started dating this guy. Am I wrong in my math?
I don’t know. I personally am at a point that I’d just like to be surrounded by good friends, whether single or married. When you live alone and have no friends nearby who you can trust, that becomes much more important than dating.
EA, Gee wiz! I had no idea people would get so upset. Poor Chris…don’t take it personal, you’re still allowed to dislike wedding receptions. 🙂
Just for the record, I have decided to take my mother’s advice, and purchased a dead skunk. Why did she wait until I was nearly 31 before telling me that dead skunks attract men? I feel so deprived!
Oh, and who said those were the angry responses? Those were the nice responses!
Those were the nice ones? 🙂