Women are like Voltron; the more you hook up with, the better it gets.
(Thanks RedVsBlue.com and Sluggy Freelance for the quote and Comic).
I know I will probably get some hate mail for title of this entry. People, it’s a joke. I think.
If you haven’t noticed, this blog has gone all over the place. I started off talking about loosing weight. It has turned into part Movie Review, part sad attempts at humor, part Pop Culture black hole, part photo blog, and part dating blog (oh, and part “What the heck are girls thinking blog).
I haven’t said a lot of my dating life lately. I keep that pretty close to myself. I am still trying to decide if I want to keep it that way. I am fine with talking about the basics though.
*Warning, this is all Latter-Day Saint related blogging, if you aren’t a member, you may become very bored. Who am I kidding, if you are a member, you will probably be very bored.*
Today in Elders Quorum we were talking about Preparing for an Eternal Marriage and Family. In a singles branch, this could have gone bad. Our branch though, has had some success in the marriage category. In the last two months, we have had three marriages with another two coming up.
It was interesting for me to listen to these men. I’ve been browsing the blog-o-sphere. There are some women who have been complaining (I’m calling it like I see it) about the men and their calibre of character thru their blogs. You can check out some member girls posting (Mary, Kelly, Miss Nemesis, and a LdsLinkup Discussion)
As I was in the class, these Elders came up with their ideal of a Girl/Wife.
Girl/Wife
————————
- Testimony
- Communication
- Attractive
- Member/Faithful
- Skills (I suppose Nu-chuck skills?)
- Patience
- Sense of Humor
- Self Control
- Tolerable Family
Followed by what we need to have ourselves
Husbands
———————-
- Testimony
- Worthy Priesthood
- Provider
From there it devolved into a discussion about how we needed to have the same virtues that we wanted in a mate.
This was a group of about twenty men, discussing this. We went over time talking about this. I can tell you, it’s something the guys think about a lot.
It’s something I don’t know that some of the girls realize we do (while they sit in Relief Society planning on how to best confuse guys, or complaining about how we all ignore them).
I liked it. It was not of the variety of discussion where a married says
“You! Single Mormon Man! You should be married now! Is there something wrong with you? Do you not know how to propose to a girl!?”
You think I kid? I don’t. Bless their married hearts, but too many married people in the church feel that it’s ok to belittle a man because of his maritial status.
Why is this ok?
Anyways, back to the EQ discussion. I have to agree with a lot of those qualities. I do think I’d collapse down a few of on the list.
Oh, and I, and I believe most of my male counterparts, will decide if they are attracted enough to persue a serious relationship with a girl within the first minutes of meeting said girl.
What makes up that attraction? It varies from man to man. I can’t point out any one thing that is the same with the girls I am attracted to, there will just be something that draws my attention.
There are a few things I find that draw my attention, but I’ll keep that list hidden, because, well, a guy has to have some secrets.
I’d say that a girls overall attractiveness is a combination of the list above, as well as how physically attracted I am.
One of the sad things I’ve found in the church is that casual dating has all but died for the most part.
The pressure is so strong that men will not even think of dating a girl that they are not 100% crushed on, just because it becomes a big deal (with the girl, with the ward, etc) if they go on one date.
This is ridiculous. I feel that it takes at least 2-3 dates for both the Man and Woman to decide if they want to persue the relationship any further (if one side hasn’t made huge blunders in the first place).
How’s this going to fix itself? I don’t know? I’d be a GA if I did. Do I even know what I’m writing about anymore? No. Will I quit editing this entry before 1 AM, I don’t think so.
Bottom Line.
Cut the guys some slack, we are trying to make it through the world, just like you.
Well, everyone seems to have had the same lesson today. I taught it in our ward. Our discussion didn’t vary much from yours. You may be to general in saying that the married are critical of the non-married. That didn’t come out in our discussion, and we did talk about the singles. We centered more on what do you look for in a woman, and how is it that we should treat our best friend/spouse, whether in public or private. Too many men don’t build up their girl friend/spouse, and I know it is the same the other way. Women, you have got to get to know your potential spouse, and it ain’t fair to expect it on the first date. Nor should we not date someone simply because we feel we need to have it 100% certain before we even go out. Everyone is taking this single’s thing far too seriously. We all need to give love and relationships more time.
I just have to say how refreshing it was to be in a family ward for this lesson yesterday. Many many different perspectives. We heard from some older single women, older married women, young single women, and young married women. Lots of different things were said. As much as I love my Relief Soicety, at times we do all just seem to agree, and I think this is one of those topics where agreement is prevalent. I don’t know how the discussion went in my singles ward, but it was very nice to be in the family ward and actually hear about marriage in action and not just have it be all about dating and the problems therein.
One of the single women had a very nice comment. She looked to be in her late 40’s and said how she just recently realized that she is a whole person herself. She’s not just half a person waiting around for that other half to come and complete her. Part of planning for an eternal marriage is making yourself that complete person so you have the most to give to your eternal marriage. Her thoughts are similar to ones I’ve been having over the past several months. I’m just glad I’ve been figuring it out at 28 instead of 48.
I think I’m officially tired of this blame game we all play. Guys are lazy. Girls need to spruce themselves up and stop whining. Frankly, I was feeling ok with not having a guy. I mean, sure, I’d like someone to cuddle with at night, but I feel very strongly that Heavenly Father has the ability to place us in each other’s paths when and if we’re going to meet. Whether it’s someone I’ve known for awhile who I suddenly see differently, or if it’s that automatic connection thing, it will happen when and if I’m ever ready and a guy I’m compatible with is ever ready. Until then, I’m fine and I’m happy with being myself.
I don’t mean the above to sound like a self-defensive rant. I honestly was feeling very content until several discussions with my roommate stirred it all up. It’s hard living with someone who seems to think about this stuff constantly and then wants to tell you all about her latest thoughts on the topic every night. I’m just tired of it. It takes too much energy and concentration to be irate about something, when I don’t even really think I need to be irate.
Sorry, Chris, that this has wound up being a post unto itself. 🙂
Holy smokes. I’m suddenly very glad that I was called out of class and given a new calling instead of listening to this.
I’m with you Chris. But I generally think that all people should cut each other more slack. I don’t reserve that idea just for single people.
I had the same lesson on sunday. I got to listen to it in a Family Ward. I have moved my records back to my home ward. I was getting tired of all of the drama every sunday in my single ward. I think that everyone is looking for a hollywood romance. These don’t excist. In my ward they made the comment that we need to teach are children to date and really get to know the person and you need to get to know there family. Because if you do end up getting married then you will already know the family. You will also know how you will be treated by the person on how they treat there family members. It was weird in that ward RS because I was the only one in the room that wasn’t married. So I got to give them my point of view as a single. Well I think that we all need to cut each other some slack and wait for things to happen. I have placed it in the Lords hands and I am living my life one day at a time. We just need to remember that things happen on the Lords time not are time.
I think we should all be born in pairs..it would make the whole marriage thing so much less stressful!
thanks heavens for the “every member a missionary” lesson i had yesterday.
So besides my dad, was I the only one to hear this lesson?
And oh, doggy, that post was a rambling 😉
Um, I think Mike, Nicole and I all said that we had the same lesson…
We got TEMPLES!! Yeah, David O. McKay #13, I believe. It was fabulous. And don’t worry…the now-famous May CES Fireside with Elder Oaks taught me quite a bit about the importance of casual dating, since I’m definitely one of the “If I can’t see myself marrying you, I won’t take another look” people. You’ve got the Brethren on your side, my friend. Now…if the members will get the message & take it seriously…that’s another matter… ~~
My lesson was Sunbeams- we can have Family Prayer. But I have read all the comments, and talked with people who taught and heard this lesson. It is a great one! I think the focus is realizing that you need to take time to know others and be have patience with your friends and spouses and encourage them to be the best they can. Take the opportunity to know people without worrying that the only thing is marriage. I have watched so many wonderful couples work hard at being a team and setting the example for others of trying to have a marriage of respect, love and kindness. It is worth waiting for. I enjoyed reading all of your thoughts!
Ok, well I’m talking on the same wavelength as some of ya’ll.
Meh, I got to listen to girls complain about guys at FHE.
Thus goes the world, I guess.
We got the same lesson, too, but for some reason it turned into a chastity lesson, and that mainly about how dating nonmembers is hard. Very weird. I think I would have enjoyed the discussions you guys had.
Chris, I get good vibes about your attitude on this subject. It gives me hope, not to mention a personal check on if I’m really cutting the guys the slack they deserve. Thanks for your insights.
Mary: Thanks for reading some incohorent, rambling thought. 😉
I think there are a few reasons to blame, besides guys being putzes.