Review: The Music Man

(No, I’m not talking about the one with Ferris Bueller in it, that shall be struck from everyones memories)

Directed by Morton DaCosta
Robert Preston …. Harold Hill
Shirley Jones …. Marian Paroo
Buddy Hackett …. Marcellus Washburn
Hermione Gingold …. Eulalie Mackechnie Shinn
Paul Ford …. Mayor George Shinn
Pert Kelton …. Mrs. Paroo
Ron Howard …. Winthrop Paroo (as Ronny Howard)

Grade: A+++!!!!11 Would do business again!!

It’s an age old story. Man is a traveling sales man, Man mesmerizes town, Man sells town imaginary boys band, Girl/Librarian/Piano Teacher figures he’s a charlatan, Girl/Librarian/Piano Teacher falls in love with said charlatan, charlatan almost gets tarred and feathered.

If I had a nickel for every story I’ve sen like that.. I’d have like one nickel.

We start off with Pro. Harold Hill (Preston) who is making a bad name for all traveling salesmen (who apparently had good names before hand). He’s like any other salesman, except he’s selling boy’s bands.

Not something you can really sell, but he does it with style.

He doesn’t even know how to play instruments, but that never stops him.

He stops in the little town of River City Iowa. After a rather cold shoulder from the town folk, he meets up with a old ex-con friend, Marcellus (Hackett) who gives him the lowdown on the town, including the town Piano teacher. Marian the Librarian(Jones).

After getting the townsfolk stirred up about the fact the there are pool tables coming into town (Oh we got Trouble!) Pro. Hill convinces the townsfolk that they need to get a boys band to “Keep the Young Ones Moral After School”.

Soon after, Pro Hill convinces the town (during the 4th of July) that they need to have a boys band. This involves a lot of dancing, some singing, some showing of female leg (oh, what a young male mind remembers), and playing of *imaginary* musical instruments.

Needless to say, Marian the Librarian is not amused.

She then makes it her quest to get Pro. Hill exposed. Amongst this, we find out that she argues with her mother thru song (as long as you don’t lie through song, you are good), and sings to her man, while looking at the stars.

You also learn that she has some crazy ideas for what she wants in her man. Learned via the song argument:

Mrs. Paroo:
Now I haven’t changed the subject, I was talking’ about that stranger–

Marian:
What stranger?

Mrs. Paroo:
With the suitcase who may be your very last chance

Marian:
Mama!
Do you think that I’d allow a common masher
Now really, Mama!
I have my standards where men are concerned and I have no intention –

Mrs. Paroo:
I know all about your standards
And if you don’t mind me sayin’ so
There’s not a man alive who could hope to measure up
To that blend of Paul Bunyan, Saint Pat and Noah Webster
You’ve concocted for yourself
Out of your Irish imagination
Your Iowa stubbornness and your library fulla’ books!

Pro. Harold Hill moves his confidence game along, and as you watch, he continues to keep the School Board off his back, get money from the townsfolk, and wooo said Librarian.

It’s hard to narrow down any one musical number that I like. So I like them all. Some favorite lines include

From : The Sadder-But-Wiser-Girl

I prefer to take a chance on a more adult romance
No dewy young miss who keeps resisting
All the time she keeps insisting

No wide-eyed, wholesome, innocent female, No Sir!
Why, she’s the fisherman, I’m the fish, you see? Plop!

I flinch, I shy when the lass with the delicate air goes by
I smile, I grin when the gal with a touch of sin walks in
I hope, I pray for Hester to win just one more ‘A’

The sadder-but-wiser girl’s the girl for me.
The sadder-but-wiser girl for me!

Then mocking how one person can be tore apart for small little things

Pickalittle:

Eulalie:
Stop! I’ll tell.
She made brazen overtures to a man who never had a friend in this town till she came here.

Alma:
Oh, yes. Oh, yes!
That woman made brazen overtures
With a gild-edge guarantee
She had a golden glint in her eye
And a silver voice with a counterfeit ring

Just melt her down and you’ll reveal
A lump of lead as cold as steel
Here, where a woman’s heart should be!

Eulalie, Alma, Maud, Ethel, Mrs. Squires:
He left River City the Library building
But he left all the books to her

Soon, Pro. Hill finds himself going to the library in attempts to woo the Librarian, to get him off of his case. In there he says one of the better quotes of the movie:

Marian Paroo: No, please, not tonight. Maybe tomorrow.
Harold Hill: Oh, my dear little librarian. You pile up enough tomorrows, and you’ll find you are left with nothing but a lot of empty yesterdays. I don’t know about you, but I’d like to make today worth remembering.

Then he sings to her in the Library (which is pretty scandelous)

But when I try in here to tell you dear
I love you madly, madly, madam librarian, Marian

It’s a long lost cause, I can never win
For the civilized world accepts as unforgivable sin
Any talking out loud with any librarian
Such as Marian, Madam Librarian

The topper is when Pro. Hill delivers a trombone to The Librarian’s little brother (Ron Howard, aka the kid from Andy Griffith Show, aka the kid from Happy Days, aka the Balding director from Apollo.) He also has a scary looking younger brother that somehow shows up in every movie he makes, but we’ll talk about that some other time.

So anyways, she takes back all the evidence she had against him. Then she lets him know.

Marian Paroo: The librarian hasn’t felt much like doing research lately, but she did plenty when you first came here.
Harold Hill: What about?
Marian PRO: Professor Harold Hill. Gary Conservatory of Music, class of ’05. Harold, there wasn’t any Gary Conservatory of Music in ’05.
Harold Hill: Why, there most certainly w…
Marian PRO: Because the town wasn’t even built until ’06. I tore this page out of an Indiana Journal. I was going to use it against you, but now I give to you with my love

That’s where I say, “PROFESSOR, RUN AWAY!”. She just dropped the L-Bomb on him!

We are then presented with yet another favorite song “Shipoopi” Done by Buddy Hackett.

Now, a woman who’ll kiss on the very first date
Is usually a hussy
And a woman who’ll kiss on the second time out
Is anything but fussy

But a woman who’ll wait till the third time around
Head in the clouds,
Feet on the ground
She’s the girl he’s glad he’s found
She’s his shipoopi

Now, what a shipoopi is, I’m not quite sure, but those seem to be pretty good guidelines, I guess 😉

Well, by now, our Hero, Pro. Harold Hill realizes that he’s been lured into the Librarian’s web.

Harold Hill: I can’t go.
Marian Paroo: Why not?
Harold Hill: For the first time in my life, I got my foot caught in the door.

I think there was a collective Bachelor tear shed then, as yet another brother has been captured.

We’ll mourn his loss.

Oh, and another favorite quote

Zaneeta: It’s indecent to meet boys at the footbridge!
Tommy Djilas: First thing after supper?
Zaneeta: All right! Yee Gods!

I give this one Four out of Four Dancing muses as well.

(Oh, and those hats need to come back into style, they rock)