It’s 6:20 am and I can’t sleep

This is bound to be a long, rambling, and boring entry. You might just skip it, since it’s more for myself, than for anyone else to read.

I’ve been unable to sleep the last few days. It’s driving me nuts and making all sorts of cranky. Not to help the situation, I am going on call in the next two hours or so. I don’t want to deal with that, or deal with the manager who will be my second tier of support.

The reason I am awake isn’t because of any of those reasons though. It’s because of the Ex. After I feel that I had firmly pushed her out of my concious thought, she shows up in a dream. And that just sucks.

Some of you may think I’m being a bit melodramatic, and I tend to agree. I want to be back to where I was.

Part of the problem, and this is one that I’m weary of saying, is that I put myself really out there. Let me explain.

On our second date, we went to see the Incredibles. While we were in the wierd dance that is dating, and I watched her give me the signs that she wanted to hold my hand, I had a wierd thing happen to me.

Some background: People receive awnsers to their prayers in any number of different ways. I typically receive prayers through a tingling throughout the body.

Sitting there in the theatre, I got that. Which wigged me out good since I hadn’t asked for anything! I didn’t know how to deal with that, since I had never felt that before in my “serial dating” career. So based on that, I ended up putting myself a lot more out there than I have ever for a girl. I invested a lot of emotion in this girl. I opened myself up a lot. Which made the entire break up hurt a lot. I was then pretty much over that when she sent the e-mail about getting married. That opened up that wound again. It sucks, and made my stinkin sub-concious make me think about her even when I firmly had her out of my concious thoughts.

It sucks, because I can’t sleep.

So, I got down on my knees, and poured my heart out to the Lord. Let Him know all my problems, my worries, and just, well, poured out my heart to him.

I was then reading the Book Of Mormon, Mosiah 23:21-22. which states:

23:21 Nevertheless the Lord seeth fit to chasten his people; yea, he trieth their patience and their faith.

23:22 Nevertheless–whosoever putteth his trust in him the same shall be lifted up at the last day. Yea, and thus it was with this people.

So, I just need to put my trust in Him. I know he has a plan for me. I’m just a bit impatient to know what it is. I’ll be heading over to the Temple as soon as I can.

There was something else I was going to write about, but I’ve forgotten already. I guess it wasn’t important.

Anyways, it’s time for me to go and get ready to pick up the pager.