As All the Pieces Come Crashing Together

First off, this post is a lot of introspection/reflection. If you

1) Are Family, realize that I know who I am and my worth. I don’t need to have my ego reinforced in the comments.

2) Are a friend/random Internet stranger/stalker, then you may just want to skip this entry. It’s bound to wander, to have more than average grammatical mistakes, and not make whole lot of sense.

You have been warned.

This story starts out seven months ago, when I started dating my ex-girlfriend, Star. We then had the break-up. I worked through all the associated baggage, I went through all the stages of grief, the cravings for NCMO, and I then went and put it all behind me.

Then I proceeded to go on this training trip. This trip has turned into a trip of a lot of introspection. A lot of memories came back as I drove into Saint George to pick up some gas. I drove up to the Chevron, and found that I noticed the hotel right near it. It was the Ambassador. This was where Brendon and Leigh had the family/friends stay as they were getting ready to be married at the temple in Vegas.

I then proceeded to drive through Arizona and Nevada, taking photos as time would permit, and listened to the Pistons loose to the Spurs in overtime.

Let me explain one of my failings as well, I’m a sentimental Romantic.

I know. It’s a shock. I mean, you wouldn’t be able to tell by what I put up on this online journal, would you? It sucks some of the time. Drives me bonkers as well.

You see, Las Vegas is only an hour or so away from the boundaries of my Mission (the California San-Bernardino Mission). I started having flashbacks of my feelings of accomplishment and thinking about the people I had taught. It may not seem like it here, but I feel that the mission helped me grow into the person I am now. At my gooey inner core, I’m a responsible person, and the mission helped out in that regard.

I had also been pondering some of the Article on A Single Thought. I had some serious disagreements in that article. Specifically the fact that the authors made it sound as if Singles are the only people out there with baggage. I understand that some guys lack the social skills (Me most of the time) with girls, as well as some have some serious issues. I believe that those issues transpose themselves into married life for those friends of mine that are married. Some of my friends could be classified under “Mr. Sports”, “Mr. Xbox”, “Mr. Computer”, “Mr. Work-a-holic” and last off “Mr. Church”. A few of these friends have found themselves single again because they were “Mr. I must get married” when they were younger. Lest you all believe that I have a thing against marriage, I think it’s a wonderful institution, one that I hope to join sooner rather than later. I don’t feel that it will correct/fix all the problems in my life. Having a spouse can help keep me balanced. The problem I have with the Single Thought Article is that it seems to equate youth with a willingness to change. Horse pucky. The person has to be willing to change. No amount of youth will truly change a person. The only true change comes internally.

Where was I?

Oh yes, I was pondering this as I drove into Las Vegas.

As I went looking for an In-N-Out (another source of memories, both from my punk friend that lives in Texas, who shall remain nameless at this point and the mission).

I continued to reminisce as I grabbed the double-double and went out to go looking for a shopping center that was opened late at night. Who was I kidding! This is Vegas! I had to pick up some Plain Yogurt (nastiest stuff on the planet) to take care of some problems I was having (I had Pneumonia a few years ago, and ever since, whenever I whack out my sugar diet, my body lets me know). I walked amongst the scary parts of humanity, past the streetwalkers, and then took off as fast as I could.

It was then that I realized that my Ex was most likely married by now. That hit me like a ton of bricks.

As I was drove back towards my dwelling, my mp3 car player played the following songs

Two – Headboard (This is a awesome band that broke up. One of my Favorites)
Rainbow Connection – Kermit
Making Out – No Doubt

Now the these three songs had something in common, they are about dynamics of having someone else in your life. “Two” talks about the viewpoint of the girl in a relationship that may be falling apart. “Rainbow Connection” talks about a frog looking for something (I’ve got it on good authority, it was Miss Piggy). “Making out” deals with Gwen Stafani pining away for her man while he is gone for a long time.

Just as I getting close to my hotel, I passed by some of the wedding chapels. I was very aware of all the couples holding hands, and frankly a lot of the advertisements on the strip are geared towards you thinking about, how should we say, girls.

So here I was, on the strip, on Fathers Day, thinking about the fact my Ex was married. A part of me is actually glad that she started the break up process. I believe we were different enough that it would have been extra work in the long run. I was enjoying with her while we were together, and I think part of me was excited by the prospect that it could have been more.

It was at that point, on Fathers Day, that I realized that part of me is really looking forward to being a dad. Part of me can’t wait until this holiday has a real world application to me. I can stop investing time in my little cousin, and work on my own.

I have epiphanies at the strangest of places.

I told ya’ll this post wouldn’t make much sense, I just had to get it off my chest. I’ve stopped blogging until I could get this post out.

I’m just glad I can now post about this week, the backpacks and watching people drink all the free booze they can.