The plight of the single guy.
Girls think us single guys have it so easy.
Nothing could be farther from the truth!
I won’t even start into the pain that a guy has to go through when he puts his arm around a girl at the beginning of a movie, and then slowly feel all the blood drain from said arm. I’ll leave that horrendous story for some other time.
So instead I’ll complain about the local Electrical Utility.
I got home last night, and for the third time in the last three weeks, I was without power.
Do you realize how crippling this is to a single guy!?!?!? I was without a food source!
My cupboard consists of the following
– Cans-o-soup
– Ramen
– Some brown & grain sugar
– Some seasoning
My Fridge consists of
– Some Polish Dogs
– Mustard
– A zillion bottles of IBC Root Beer
– Some Steam dumplings
Since my oven is electric, I can’t even heat water.
Ramen -> No hot water (Microwave, oven)
Polish Dogs -> Same problem
Steam Dumplings -> Same problem.
I was hosed.
I think this needs to be the exception to the Elder Oaks talk.
If I ever have to have two years worth of food.
I’m going to be a meal for some wolf.
As it was, I had a nice snack of Mustard and seasoning.
You’ve been listening to Bill Cosby, haven’t you? That was his line in the 60s. Women complain, he says–“you men don’t what we suffer when we have labor pains!”
Bull, he says. And then goes into a long, hilarious description of the guy’s most excruciating pain, putting it around a girl at the movies and leaving it there for two. hours. (It’s so far above labor pains that you can’t even find it on the pain chart, that’s what he said. Just found it on my iPod.)
If you haven’t heard that standup, you should. It’s on Bill Cosby Is a Very Funny Fellow… Right. (These albums were my favorite thing of my dad’s LPs to listen to as a kid, and it delights me to no end that Itunes has quite a few of them.)
Stacer
You caught me, I’ve heard that Bill Cosby sketch.
Can I plead “Imitation is the sinceriest form of flattery?” 🙂
I am dead serious…why dosen’t said guy just move his arm when it turns blue and cold?? Presto chango warm and feeling again in no time! Is there an unknown law I do not know about. Being a girl is so tough!
Heather..
Heather..
Heather….
You just don’t understand. The guy is playing for the long game. If you move the hand, the girl is going to start thinking you don’t like her, and there is the danger that you won’t be getting any kissin later in the night.
Now you let the hand loose all feeling, well, your chances for some lovin improve.
That’s why you need to let your hand die of blood drainage.
That’s the pain we go through.
I really don’t see what girls go through that’s even remotely that tough 😉
Hm. Well, points to you for having heard the sketch. 🙂
Ohhhh Chris. You don’t want to know what we go through. One example off the top of my head starts with a “w” and ends in “axing.” I’ve heard, anyway, that it can beat a dead arm hands down.
Sorry about your mustard dinner. Were all the restaurants afflicted with the same power outage that night? 🙂
I LOVE the Bill Cosby records! We used to listen to those when I was little all the time.
Chris, why not when your arm gets tired, ever so suavely readjust and just take her hand? I bet if she doesn’t have a problem with you having your arm around her, she’d be okay with you holding her hand.
Nemisis: The W-Axing can’t be that bad. I mean, it’s only hair, no?
I think I need to clarify, the pain isn’t in the loss of blood to the Arm, it’s to the sudden return of blood, with oxygen that causes the pain.
As for the restaurants. Well, I couldn’t check, since my cordless phone wasn’t working either.
So I just assumed that the entire city was in blackout.
Or at least the ones I liked.
I could have had some cold cereal, but I didn’t want the milk to warm up.
It’s important to keep milk cold, or it turns into cottage cheese.
Kelly: It’s obvious you girls just don’t understand. This is a guy rule.
I don’t make up the guy rules.
Heck, I don’t even know who wrote them.
I sure make sure I follow those rules though.
Less, I be less of a guy.
Oh, and aren’t you supposed to be in bed right now? Isn’t there a Bar to take?
“The W-Axing can’t be that bad. I mean, it’s only hair, no?”
I would recommend never saying this while any women were present, unless you don’t feel very attached to your skin. Then, totally go for it.
Miss Laura: Are you saying W-Axing makes women cross?
And if it’s that bad, what makes girlies do it? 🙂
I mean, us guys do stupid stuff, but that’s because we are expected to..
I would like to see a man wear nylons through a whole 3 hour block of church and be ok w/ it. I would also like to see a man w/ PMS…and see if he could live to tell about it later.
“Nemesis: The W-Axing can’t be that bad. I mean, it’s only hair, no?”
Hey, I bet you’re right! How bout you give yourself a bikini wax and let me know how that goes? 😉
Heather: Nylons? I have to wear a tie.
I don’t think there is *any* comparision.
As for PMS. I just point back to the entire Dead arm thing. There is no pain like that.
Unless I have the flu. Then I lose any ablility to even feed myself.
Nemsis: You know, I would, but I don’t wear a Bikini.
But that almost sounds like a dare.
But it’s not, so I’m safe.