Pappa Hardy’s Musings on Life.

I was recently in Wind Cave National Park. I was on a tour of part of the Wind Cave called “The Garden of Eden”. We were travelling through the cave underground, viewing the many natural wonders associated with that place. It was fantastic. I was thoroughly enjoying myself and the opportunity to explorer. It would have been better had I had the skills and equipment to do it on my own with a few friends. The caves were gorgeous, the stillness and the other worldliness of the scene were just great.

As I have got older, I have lost some of the push to be an explorer, but at heart, I love doing new things, seeing new places, and experiencing the unknown. I would love to go into space, to do new things that few have ever done. I am an explorer, and to stay young I must continue to explorer. I can never allow myself to become complacent and not wanting to do things that others have not done. Perhaps that is why I ran for political office a year ago. I needed to be part of an elite, and part of a group of people who push the frontiers.

I have realized lately that I am a Photographer. I guess I have always known that and I have always enjoyed very much taking pictures. However, I love to pose the shots, make sure that the right lighting is present, and I like to make sure they are good. Nothing makes me feel better than a good photo that I have taken, and nothing makes me madder than either an uncooperative subject or a picture that is ruined because I can’t seem to get it right.

I wonder at times if I should have taken a vow of poverty and run my own photography business. I certainly would have loved doing that. Working with the people would have been tougher, if working with members of my family is any indication. A photograph is more than just taking a picture of a thing. It is also including life in the photos, not only sterile landscapes. I want some memories too, and I am constantly battling people who don’t want to cooperate. It makes it tough for me, and is perhaps the reason why I backed away from doing something I love for a living and instead I am doing something I can barely tolerate. I am a photographer. I am not so sure I am a banker.

Today was a special day for me. We visited Martin’s Cove (actually the Sun Ranch) for a second time. My Great, Great, Great Grandfather, Richard Collings and his family were part of the Martin Handcart Company that suffered such great challenges when crossing the plains in 1856. This handcart company suffered many deaths and much misery, yet my ancestors and many others remained true to the faith. I just pray that I will have similar courage when the challenges mount in my life.

I love to write. I don’t do it very well. I don’t have the style that my son Chris has. I don’t have the ability to use prose and to be intellectual. I can’t always seem to get my thoughts down like I would like to do. I can’t always seem to move people by my prose, but regardless, I love to write. I picked that up somewhere. I write diaries. I keep my thoughts to myself. I also write this blog, and tell people what I am thinking, again often not doing much of a job. At this age in my life, I doubt that I will ever be able to excel at writings, but still I like to do it, and the few, the very few, who read my ramblings will have to endure my passion. I doubt anyone ever reads this blog, but if they do, I want them to know, if they haven’t guessed it by now, that I love to write.

Yes, I am a killer. I didn’t mean to do it. I didn’t plan on doing it. I didn’t want to do it. Nevertheless, I took another life. It wasn’t the life of a fellow human being, but it was the life of a gentle elderly cat, Snowball, a pet who my family and I loved and cherished and played with. He was an obnoxious cat as he went on in his years. If we worked in the yard, he believed, and probably rightfully so, that you had come out specifically to pet him and he was going to put his head down right where you were working and demand to be petted. Forget about planting that plant, or replacing that sprinkler head, you were supposed to be petting and talking to the cat, not that stuff which wasn’t important. When he was younger in Cheyenne, he believed that he was completely invisible, that he could easily hide in Bonnie’s flowers, even though they might be several bright colors and he had crushed them and was a dirty white color.

Snowball was very old for a cat. We adopted him (I should really say he adopted us) in June of 1991 not long after he came into this world as a new and energetic kitten. His special friend was another cat in his litter, a litter born across the street in Cheyenne that lived in the garage/home of Tom and Kathy Rowe, their three children Matt, Sarah, and Lori, and of course the cats. They played, slept in our garage or the Rowes garage, and had a good time. We ended up adopting two cats from the Rowes (dear friends).

He was at various times called That Darn Cat, HIF (aka His Imperial Furiness), Emperor of the Universe, Snowball the Great, and other far too many numerous special names. Gordon felt he was his son. Chris felt that he was one of HIF’s minions (or was it the other way around). To Julie he was kitty, to Brian, who loves all life in whatever form it may be, he was a friend. Michael cared for Snowball too. In his later years, if he got left outside he would cry until we let him back in the garage. He was our cat, and he owned as Robert Heinlien used to say, he allowed us exist to serve him and he owned us.

All of us loved the cat, Julie, Brian, Michael, Gordon, Mom, and of course Chris. I loved him too, even if he was constantly in my way as I was trying to leave in the mornings to go to work. After all, he needed to be fed, and please do it right now. As he was getting older, his kidneys were failing, we thought he might have diabetes as he was having trouble with them, but he could still eat, even if it was soft cat food. He was no longer able or willing to defend his turf (our garage) and I soon came to get hostile with a neighborhood cat that I referred to as “the Evil Grey Cat” who was always trying to get in and eat his food.

He had cat friends. We had a cat named Nermal, a Maine Kohn (sorry for the spelling) who could live anywhere up high. Snowball loved to taunt our dog TB, to chase him, to let him know who was boss. There wasn’t a dog in the neighborhood that knew Snowball that didn’t respect his territory. We had lots of fun with our beloved dog and wonderful have Siamese cat.

As he got older he was getting sicker. The family moved from our home in Cheyenne and he alternately took up a home at Grandma Cox’s in Pleasant Grove until 5 years ago when we finally made a new family home here in Payson. He became more of a home cat, and as he got older he was moving slower, and perhaps that was his undoing today. I only less than a week ago had a heart operation, so I just went to Sacrament meeting today and the Bishop was gracious enough to allow me to go home after the one meeting. Being his counselor I felt I was letting him down. However, I have also been tired and while I am just 57 I don’t feel like moving very fast either just right now. He usually would get up and move when I pulled the car into the garage. Today he didn’t move fast enough.

I guess what really makes me sad was that I had to make the decision to put him down. He was really hurting, and while we might have been able to heal him through surgeries and other medical interventions, he would have been in pain a lot, and his quality of life would have been so limited. It is not often that I can’t control my emotions but today I was hysterical, and I felt so bad. We gave him a proper burial, right near the spot where we laid to rest our beloved pup TB, and today in paradise they are chasing each other. I blessed his final resting place that it would be kept safe from predators or animals that would dig it up.

Yes, I can kill. It was an accident. Heaven forbid that I would, or anyone would ever want to purposely take another life. It is only in the hands of the great creator, our Lord and Savior, to give life and to restore life and to take life. For him, our Creator, I am grateful and it is in him that I have hope that I will be forgiven for this thing that I have accidently done today. I hope my family will forgive me.

Despite my reference yesterday to the Rocket’s Red Glare, and maybe the martial ideas that might represent, I am really a Peacemaker, of sorts. I hate confrontation and always want to make sure that I am getting everything done for everyone. In politics, perhaps that isn’t always the way things come out and happen since sometimes we want to force our position as the one that needs to be adopted, so maybe I am a contradiction, but I still am a peacemaker. Paul McCartney said for in two of his songs:

GIVE ME YOUR HAND I’D LIKE TO SHAKE IT,
I WANT TO SHOW YOU I’M YOUR FRIEND.
YOU’LL UNDERSTAND IF I CAN MAKE IT CLEAR,
IT’S ALL THAT MATTERS IN THE END.

PUT IT THERE IF IT WEIGHS A TON,
THAT’S WHAT A FATHER SAID TO HIS YOUNGER SON.
I DON’T CARE IF IT WEIGHS A TON,
AS LONG AS YOU AND I ARE HERE, PUT IT THERE.
LONG AS YOU AND I ARE HERE, PUT IT THERE.

IF THERE’S A FIGHT I’D LIKE TO FIX IT,
I HATE TO SEE THINGS GO SO WRONG.
THE DARKEST NIGHT AND ALL IT’S MIXED EMOTIONS,
IS GETTING LIGHTER, SING ALONG.

PUT IT THERE IF IT WEIGHS A TON,
THAT’S WHAT A FATHER SAID TO HIS YOUNGER SON.
I DON’T CARE IF IT WEIGHS A TON,
AS LONG AS YOU AND I ARE HERE, PUT IT THERE.
LONG AS YOU AND I ARE HERE, PUT IT THERE.

I want to show people that I can be there friend, and I want to be a friend to people. Another song also showed my feelings, and I really love this song:

BEST THING I EVER SAW
WAS A MAN WHO LOVED HIS WIFE.
IN A PLACE WHERE THINGS WERE GOOD
I FELT PEACE IN THE NEIGHBOURHOOD.

OO-OO-

DOO-DOO-DOO,
DOO-DOOT-DOOT-DO.

THAT FEELING IN THE AIR
SOMETHING WAS DEFINITELY THERE.
IT WAS A TIME WHEN THINGS WERE GOOD
I FELT PEACE IN THE NEIGHBOURHOOD.

I WAS THERE, I REALLY WAS,
AT THE CENTRE OF A LOVE VIBRATION.
PEOPLE SHARING WITH THEIR FRIENDS.
HELPING EACH OTHER OUT.
PEACE IN THE NEIGHBOURHOOD,
HELPING EACH OTHER OUT, OO -

THEN I WOKE UP FROM MY DREAM
TO SEE THINGS AS THEY REALLY ARE.
PEOPLE STRUGGLING TO SURVIVE,
HOW CAN PEACE HOPE TO STAY ALIVE-EE?

DOO-DOO-DOO,
DOO-DOOT-DOOT-DOO.

OOH!

WELL, I WAS THERE…I FELT SO GOOD, (he felt so good)
AT THE CENTRE OF A LOVE VIBRATION.
PEOPLE CARING FOR THEIR WORLD,
HELPING EACH OTHER OUT. (helping each other)
PEACE IN THE NEIGHBOURHOOD,
HELPING EACH OTHER OUT.
PEACE IN THE NEIGHBOURHOOD,
HELPING EACH OTHER OUT.

OO -
YEAH,
BEST THING I EVER SAW,
I SAW A MAN WHO LOVED HIS WIFE.

YEAH -
OO-OO-OO-OO. (ah-)

PEACE IN THE NEIGHBOURHOOD,
HELPING EACH OTHER OUT.
PEACE IN THE NEIGHBOURHOOD,
HELPING EACH OTHER OUT.

OO-OO-OO-OO, OO-OO-OO.
DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO - DOO - OO.

PEACE IN THE NEIGHBOURHOOD,
PEACE IN THE NEIGHBOURHOOD,
PEACE IN THE NEIGHBOURHOOD.

I guess maybe I am just a hopeless romantic. I want so much to have good vibrations and no confrontations. I probably would never make a good politician.